I know Barry wanted us all to tell a funny stories from high school but I'm not exactly doing that. The most significant story I have from my high school years is a violent one but one I am very proud of that involves me kicking the crap out of two eight graders. How can this be, you ask. Here is my story.

I went to a prep school, a Methodist prep school called The Pennington School. Pennington was run by a shifty Jesus loving council that also happened to be mostly Republican. We all had to go to chapel every Wednesday and wear ties. The school also had lots of fun traditions like "Slave for a Day". "Slave for a Day" was the tradition of taking all the student council members and selling them off to other student by way of contest and lot to the student body. Student Council member for the 8th grade, Samuel David Gentile (below/right) was won by Rebecca Burns (below/center) for the day. She and another 8th grader, Kenneth Panacek (below/left) dragged Sam all over school made him get on all fours, pushed him, kicked him, shoved him, blasted shaving cream down his back and poured honey on his face. Needless to say he was bruised and in tears. It ended in the school student center while I was talking to a friend and enjoying a soda.

I stood up and said to my friend: "I can't take it" and wend over to the battery and said is a friendly voice to Rebecca and Ken, "Hey there" and then I kicked Ken square in the chest with a low sidekick. He didn't go down so I game him another in the stomach with more heel. It did the trick and he folded and went flying in the general direction of the snack stand. Then it was her turn. I grabbed her throat and slammed her into the wall and whispered to her "I will fucking end you". She replied as best she could "You can't do this, he's my slave". I replied "He is not your slave, there is no slave for a day. It's over". and then I started choking her not enough to make her go blue but enough to go reddish. She struggled but it really didn't help. I was on the wrestling team for four years, undefeated at the time. I threw Sam my dorm keys and said "Run. New dorm, room 314, get cleaned up take one of my shirts, I'll take the fall for this". Sam went for the door. A teacher walked in the student center just before Sam could make it out and screamed "What the hell is going on here?! I'm taking you all down to the Dean!" Sam screamed back, crying "Please!" I thought for sure I would be expelled. I just kicked the crap out of an eights grader and choked the daughter of the head of the english department.

Believe it or not, I didn't get expelled. Sam's parents threatened to sew the school if they did. The long tradition of hosting "Slave for a Day" was removed.

I admit I was a nut then but I am proud of beating those bastards back and ending that sick demented tradition in the school.